Review of Being John Malkovich. Uh, er, um...

Being John Malkovich is a confusing film. Starring John Cusack as a puppeteer in need of money so when he gets a job at a company called Lestercorp, he stumbles across a portal into John Malkovich's mind. It really is fascinating how Spike Jonze and his crew created something that made almost no sense at all. If you can interpret it correctly, you'll find a deeper meaning behind the film. I'd tell you what it was, but that would ruin it for you. So eventually John starts selling trips into this portal for two hundred dollars a pop but when his wife, played by Cameron Diaz, gets in, she falls in love with a girl, Cathrine Keener, who falls in love with either Cameron or John Cusack, depending on who is in John Malkovich at the time. The rest of the movie is great. It's funny, deep, and raises a few philosophical questions that you can answer to yourself. My favorite part though was when the two girls were having a fight through John Malkovich's memories and sub-conscience mind. It was really cool.The Verdict:Being John Malkovich is a great movie that is definitely worth seeing if you're willing to put the time and thinking effort into it. I give it five crazy wives who have several exotic pets including a chimpanzee and iguana out of five. 5/5.

Review of Saw VI. Here we go again.

Saw VI is the continuation of the long running series of people dying in grisly ways. But this one is different. It actually has a decent story. Covering today's issues with health care and economy, the latest Saw installment has meaning. Sure, it has a twist at the end and it sets itself up for another sequel, but it was fun to watch nonetheless. My favorite trap was the spinning carousel of death which had six people spinning around and only two could survive while the main player in Jigsaw's game has to sacrifice some blood all the while. I don't want to give away any of the plot or thrills that are included, but I think the Saw franchise is headed in the right direction.The Verdict:Saw VI is by far my favorite Saw film. It has awesome deaths, some dark humor, and decent acting. Let's put it this way. If you've been sticking it out for the past five films, there is absolutely no reason not to continue watching the series that has Rube Goldberg rolling in his grave. I give it five foul-mouthed little children who have no reason to be in a film out of five. 5/5.

Review of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters. Need be an indroduction?

Aqua Teen Hunger Colon Movie Film for Theaters is so stupid and so funny. If you know the television show than you'll know what kind of humor this is. Being one of my favorite shows, this definatley does not disappoint. It turns a twelve minute sketch into an hour and a half epic that'll have you on the ground crying because it's so funny. I was. The acting is great considering it's a couple of dudes playing a flying box of fries, a giant shake, and a wad of meat. As for the plot, there really isn't one. It's just sketch after sketch combined to make a point.The Verdict:It's funny. See it, you'll enjoy yourself and maybe get into the T.V show as well. I give it five talking space watermelons out of five. 5/5.

Review of Everything Is Illuminated. Enjoy the little things.

Everything Is Illuminated is the true story adapted from the book by the same name. This was Liev Schriber's first time writing and directing a film and he totally knocks it out of the park. He provides a subtle, funny, deep, and moving experience that'll be much much more rewarding than watching the X-Men films, which he stared in as the villain Sabertooth. The acting here is actually provided by Elijah Wood and Eugune Hutz, who together show a lot of chemistry considering one is an American Jew and the other is a Ukrainian. The story is this. Elijah Wood is a collector of artifacts from his past and heritage. After finding many things, he decides to go to Ukraine to find the person who saved his grandfather from death during World War II. Eugene Hutz and his film grandfather provide most of the comedy here, since Elijah is a quiet fellow and looks around curiously. The grandfather and grandson argue in a foreign language and then the grandson would interpret it as something totally different. That also brings me to my next point, enjoy the little things. Almost all of the comedy is subtle so don't expect any shtick from a certain character. The music is fantastic counterpart to this film ranging from traditional Jewish tunes to Ukrainian Hip-Hop.The Verdict:Everything Is Illuminated is great but deep. Very, very hard to understand so you have three options; You could watch the film and figure it out, you could watch the film and not analyze it and just enjoy it for what you think it is, or finally, you could just not watch it. I suggest you pick one of the first two options because even if you don't understand it, you should still find something good to come out of it.I give it five really big glasses that look cool out of five. 5/5.

Review of World's Greatest Dad. Who knew that a comedy could be so dark?

World's Greatest Dad is about an average man, played by Robin Williams, who has the most unlikable son I've ever seen portrayed on screen. But Daryl Sabara nails it. This movie takes a dark turn about forty minutes in and the rest of the film is based on that twist so I'm going to cut this review short too and leave you with these words.The Verdict:World's Greatest Dad is a very dark, sad, and funny movie that had me anticipated for the next scene, made laugh a lot, and even proved to be a tear jerker at times. Altogether, this movie is a cult classic, usually providing for those who like an indie dramedy. But if you stick around long enough, you'll notice the heart that this film provides, and come out with the knowledge that it provides as well.I give it four naked middle-aged men diving out of five. 4/5.

Review of Old School. Kick back and crack a cold one, we've got a doozy here for you.

Chances are you've seen Old School. Everybody has. But in case you haven't, I'll make you a little treat and review it. Old School is actually pretty average compared to what I thought it would be. It was still hilarious, but it wasn't really the Animal House of this generation that I was hoping for. Will Ferrel and Vince Vaughn are funny, but Luke Wilson is just a normal guy and I don't recall him doing or saying anything funny. But it evens out. So Luke finds out that his girlfriend has been cheating on him, so he moves away to a college and ends up starting a fraternity. He is then on known as "The Godfather" and he starts his own wild rumpuses. That's all you need to know other than it's funny.The Verdict:Old School is funny, but nowhere near a classic. If your bored on a Saturday night or you have a couple of friends over, it delivers for what you ask for, Will Ferrel getting drunk and doing stupid stunts. Reminds me of a television show/movie I've seen before... I give it three aggressive speaker company owners who are aggressive soccer coaches out of five. 3/5.

Review of The Fourth Kind. What about the fifth kind, when they touch you in places....

The Fourth Kind is both a reenactment and recollection of video tapes and audio files of the "extra terrestrial" events that happened in Nome, Alaska in the year 2000. It starts with the actress Milla Jovocvich walking up to a camera and explaining what you will be seeing for the next two hours or so. She says that the reenactments are based actual case studies including voice recordings and memos and video taped recordings. The results are phenomenal. The way the dramatized version of the film and the actual studies are mixed in together is perfectly executed. It is a bit disturbing at times but that's what makes it so good. Sure, watching people go crazy is good enough on it's own but adding in that extra push makes it even more worth seeing. The acting is decent, the performances are humble and realistic which also makes for a better experience.The Verdict:The Fourth Kind is a great movie and is very entertaining but I didn't leave the theater with a changed mind about alien encounters. Really, this movie is more of a tense thriller with real footage to make it more real. And I'm willing to settle with that. I give it five screaming Sumerians out of five. 5/5.