Review of A Serious Man. Yet another jewel on the Cohen crown.

A Serious Man is another Cohen brothers production in which they direct, write, and produce the film and I believe this to be their best one yet. It's about a devout Jewish man who leads a decent life and when his wife wants a divorce his life starts to spin out of control. The acting is fantastic, every role is amazingly casted no matter how small. The music, soundtrack and score alike fit perfectly from Jewish Torah tunes to stoner tracks are all great. The story and writing are both thought-provoking and enjoyable there's never a bland moment. The best parts are the three Rabbis who each say something funny and philosophical. The point to this film is that everything has a reason to be there, deteriorating this man's life one step at a time. It's great!
The Verdict:
A Serious Man is a mildly humorous and immensely entertaining melodramatic comedy that certainly shouldn't be missed and is a definite Oscar contender in March 2010. It may be hard to find a theater to see it in, but it is 100% worth any effort to see it right now. So what are you waiting for? Your Internet works so look up times now! What are you doing? Go! Oh wait you'll probably want to see my score first. Okay but then you have to go. I give A Serious Man five politically incorrect South Koreans who want a good Physics grade out of five. 5/5.

Review of Being John Malkovich. Uh, er, um...

Being John Malkovich is a confusing film. Starring John Cusack as a puppeteer in need of money so when he gets a job at a company called Lestercorp, he stumbles across a portal into John Malkovich's mind. It really is fascinating how Spike Jonze and his crew created something that made almost no sense at all. If you can interpret it correctly, you'll find a deeper meaning behind the film. I'd tell you what it was, but that would ruin it for you. So eventually John starts selling trips into this portal for two hundred dollars a pop but when his wife, played by Cameron Diaz, gets in, she falls in love with a girl, Cathrine Keener, who falls in love with either Cameron or John Cusack, depending on who is in John Malkovich at the time. The rest of the movie is great. It's funny, deep, and raises a few philosophical questions that you can answer to yourself. My favorite part though was when the two girls were having a fight through John Malkovich's memories and sub-conscience mind. It was really cool.The Verdict:Being John Malkovich is a great movie that is definitely worth seeing if you're willing to put the time and thinking effort into it. I give it five crazy wives who have several exotic pets including a chimpanzee and iguana out of five. 5/5.

Review of Saw VI. Here we go again.

Saw VI is the continuation of the long running series of people dying in grisly ways. But this one is different. It actually has a decent story. Covering today's issues with health care and economy, the latest Saw installment has meaning. Sure, it has a twist at the end and it sets itself up for another sequel, but it was fun to watch nonetheless. My favorite trap was the spinning carousel of death which had six people spinning around and only two could survive while the main player in Jigsaw's game has to sacrifice some blood all the while. I don't want to give away any of the plot or thrills that are included, but I think the Saw franchise is headed in the right direction.The Verdict:Saw VI is by far my favorite Saw film. It has awesome deaths, some dark humor, and decent acting. Let's put it this way. If you've been sticking it out for the past five films, there is absolutely no reason not to continue watching the series that has Rube Goldberg rolling in his grave. I give it five foul-mouthed little children who have no reason to be in a film out of five. 5/5.

Review of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters. Need be an indroduction?

Aqua Teen Hunger Colon Movie Film for Theaters is so stupid and so funny. If you know the television show than you'll know what kind of humor this is. Being one of my favorite shows, this definatley does not disappoint. It turns a twelve minute sketch into an hour and a half epic that'll have you on the ground crying because it's so funny. I was. The acting is great considering it's a couple of dudes playing a flying box of fries, a giant shake, and a wad of meat. As for the plot, there really isn't one. It's just sketch after sketch combined to make a point.The Verdict:It's funny. See it, you'll enjoy yourself and maybe get into the T.V show as well. I give it five talking space watermelons out of five. 5/5.

Review of Everything Is Illuminated. Enjoy the little things.

Everything Is Illuminated is the true story adapted from the book by the same name. This was Liev Schriber's first time writing and directing a film and he totally knocks it out of the park. He provides a subtle, funny, deep, and moving experience that'll be much much more rewarding than watching the X-Men films, which he stared in as the villain Sabertooth. The acting here is actually provided by Elijah Wood and Eugune Hutz, who together show a lot of chemistry considering one is an American Jew and the other is a Ukrainian. The story is this. Elijah Wood is a collector of artifacts from his past and heritage. After finding many things, he decides to go to Ukraine to find the person who saved his grandfather from death during World War II. Eugene Hutz and his film grandfather provide most of the comedy here, since Elijah is a quiet fellow and looks around curiously. The grandfather and grandson argue in a foreign language and then the grandson would interpret it as something totally different. That also brings me to my next point, enjoy the little things. Almost all of the comedy is subtle so don't expect any shtick from a certain character. The music is fantastic counterpart to this film ranging from traditional Jewish tunes to Ukrainian Hip-Hop.The Verdict:Everything Is Illuminated is great but deep. Very, very hard to understand so you have three options; You could watch the film and figure it out, you could watch the film and not analyze it and just enjoy it for what you think it is, or finally, you could just not watch it. I suggest you pick one of the first two options because even if you don't understand it, you should still find something good to come out of it.I give it five really big glasses that look cool out of five. 5/5.

Review of World's Greatest Dad. Who knew that a comedy could be so dark?

World's Greatest Dad is about an average man, played by Robin Williams, who has the most unlikable son I've ever seen portrayed on screen. But Daryl Sabara nails it. This movie takes a dark turn about forty minutes in and the rest of the film is based on that twist so I'm going to cut this review short too and leave you with these words.The Verdict:World's Greatest Dad is a very dark, sad, and funny movie that had me anticipated for the next scene, made laugh a lot, and even proved to be a tear jerker at times. Altogether, this movie is a cult classic, usually providing for those who like an indie dramedy. But if you stick around long enough, you'll notice the heart that this film provides, and come out with the knowledge that it provides as well.I give it four naked middle-aged men diving out of five. 4/5.

Review of Old School. Kick back and crack a cold one, we've got a doozy here for you.

Chances are you've seen Old School. Everybody has. But in case you haven't, I'll make you a little treat and review it. Old School is actually pretty average compared to what I thought it would be. It was still hilarious, but it wasn't really the Animal House of this generation that I was hoping for. Will Ferrel and Vince Vaughn are funny, but Luke Wilson is just a normal guy and I don't recall him doing or saying anything funny. But it evens out. So Luke finds out that his girlfriend has been cheating on him, so he moves away to a college and ends up starting a fraternity. He is then on known as "The Godfather" and he starts his own wild rumpuses. That's all you need to know other than it's funny.The Verdict:Old School is funny, but nowhere near a classic. If your bored on a Saturday night or you have a couple of friends over, it delivers for what you ask for, Will Ferrel getting drunk and doing stupid stunts. Reminds me of a television show/movie I've seen before... I give it three aggressive speaker company owners who are aggressive soccer coaches out of five. 3/5.

Review of The Fourth Kind. What about the fifth kind, when they touch you in places....

The Fourth Kind is both a reenactment and recollection of video tapes and audio files of the "extra terrestrial" events that happened in Nome, Alaska in the year 2000. It starts with the actress Milla Jovocvich walking up to a camera and explaining what you will be seeing for the next two hours or so. She says that the reenactments are based actual case studies including voice recordings and memos and video taped recordings. The results are phenomenal. The way the dramatized version of the film and the actual studies are mixed in together is perfectly executed. It is a bit disturbing at times but that's what makes it so good. Sure, watching people go crazy is good enough on it's own but adding in that extra push makes it even more worth seeing. The acting is decent, the performances are humble and realistic which also makes for a better experience.The Verdict:The Fourth Kind is a great movie and is very entertaining but I didn't leave the theater with a changed mind about alien encounters. Really, this movie is more of a tense thriller with real footage to make it more real. And I'm willing to settle with that. I give it five screaming Sumerians out of five. 5/5.

Review of Next Day Air. Delivery!

Next Day Air is the film about some stupid hustlers who get a box full of cocaine in the mail delivered by a crack head who got the address wrong and the Hispanics who try to get their coke back go on a hunt through Philadelphia to find the punks who stole it. Wow. I'm going to need an Advil after that. Next Day Air actually flips between four story lines. There's the crackhead delivery man, there's the crackhead hoodlums who try to sell the coke, there's the crackhead cousin of one of the hoods who wants to buy the coke, and then there's the crackhead Hispanics who want to coke back. A lot of crackheads. In the end everybody ends up coming together and the firefight at the end is ridiculous and cool. The acting is strong on Mos Def's part, but he's only in two scenes. Most everybody else is just OK. The movie sometimes flips back in time as well in order to give somewhat of a humorous back story but usually it's just to keep the clock running and to waste your time. Actually, most of the scenes in here are cool and fun, but at some points I could tell that the editors just said screw it and just threw it together. The soundtrack is decent if you like Hip-Hop or Rap.The Verdict:While Next Day Air is funny, what it usually ends up delivering to be more stylized than humorous. If you like dark comedy or you like inner-city stories, it's worth a look. I give Next Day Air 3.5 puns with names out of 5. 3.5/5.

Review of The Unborn. Oi!

The Unborn is like The Exorcist's and The Omen's little demon spawn who wants to be like mommy and daddy but ends up falling flat on it's face. It is literally a Jewish rip-off of The Exorcist filled with Omen-like spooks. Sure, you'll jump or maybe even scream a bit, but after you'll just laugh at yourself for doing so. Here's the premise for this movie. Hot chick, check. Retarded boyfriend, check. Other hot chick who is first hot chick's best friend, check. Famous and good actors whose careers we are going to ruin, (Gary Oldman and Idris Elba are the victims here,) check. Spook, terrible story, and a script that makes said actors sound like foul-mouthed little children, check. Alright let's make us some good cash!The Verdict:Please, don't see The Unborn, you'll feel more tortured than someone stuck in one of Jigsaw's traps in Saw. This movie sucks. Plain and simple. I give it one upside down head out of five.

Review of Where the Wild Things Are. Welcome to the land of imagination.

Where the Wild Things Are. Where to begin? Ok. First things first. This is not a movie for kids. It's a bit brutal and scary and it delivers a message to the audience that the tykes won't understand. But all of that aside, it's a cinematic feat. Animation- awesome. Acting- superb. Cenimatography-phonomenal. The story is basicly this. A kid named Max, played by Max Records who does a surprisingly great job opposite people in big monster suits. Carol, the main Wild Thing character, is played by James Gandolfini and knocks this role out of the park. The rest of the Things are parts of Max's emotions. There's the obnoxious loudmouth, the shy guy, the quiet one, the rebel, the helper, and there's one that just sits there the whole time. Before I get off track, we need to get back to the story. Max gets angry with his mother and runs away. After he runs away he ends up in what I like to call "The Land of the Wild Things" and from there he is named king and goes on adventures and wild rumpuses alike. The score is almost perfect as well, with sad ballads and uplifting tunes you can't really go wrong with that either.The Verdict:Where the Wild Things Are is definitely different. Spike Jonze creates an entirely original story to let you connect with your inner child again. It's hard to enjoy if you can't understand it or analyze it correctly. I leave you with this. If you want your inner child to come out and have a wild rumpus for a hour and a half, see this. But if you want your inner child to crap it's pants, see Paranormal Activity. I give Where the Wild Things Are 4.5 truly wild Wild Things our of 5. 4.5/5.

Review of Drag Me To Hell. Gypsys love eyeballs!

Drag Me To Hell is the little sleeper movie that could. It boasts an ok cast, superb directing, and the effects are top notch. Sam Raimi is actually the one who directs this one. You may know him as the director of Spider-Man or The Evil Dead trilogy. He returns to the horror genre with a definite classic and an original thrill ride that is scary, funny, and violent to make those pesky teens who don't care about plot or acting swoon at these gross moments. Our "heroin," though, stars out as a loan officer who doesn't do a deal with the wrong devil and is now cursed to be tortured for two days and finally taken down to hell on the third. Her boyfriend vows to stay by her the whole time but you can tell he's thinking,"She's so full of crap." While the first hour and twenty minutes are cool and entertaining, the best happens in the last half hour when she goes to another gypsy to have the mean gypsy stop bothering her. Then it all goes downhill for her from there for your viewing pleasure!The Verdict:Drag Me To Hell is a great and fun film to watch. Check it out for the effects and funny script but leave (not literally) for the oatmeal acting provided. I give it five goats who swear at you out of five. 5/5.

Review of Paranormal Activity. Day and night, the lonely demon will stalk you day and night.

Paranormal Activity is the reenactment of the events that happed in San Diego in 2006. All of the events that happen follow Micah and Katie on a hi-def camera in their home. At first it's a very slow moving film at first just seeming like a girl is afraid of something is watching her and stalking her while her sarcastic boyfriend gets it all on tape. But as it progresses the paranoia sets in and more aggressive and creepy things start to happen so that by the end you'll be crapping your pants. As a matter of fact, the less you know about it, the better because it just adds to the already awesome experience. So I'm going to cut this review short and say that...The Verdict:Paranormal Activity is the scariest movie I've ever seen and most likely ever see. It's also got an odd, sick sense of humor that'll have you screaming and laughing at the same time. Go see it, but not alone. And don't forget to sleep with the light on. I give Paranormal Activity five self-attempted exorcisms out of five.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is a film about the holocaust in world war II through the point of view of an eight-year-old boy named Bruno. Bruno is confused one day when he finds out he has to move to a far away place, and while it isn't mentioned in the movie, he moves to Auswich. And those of you who have done your history homework will know that that was a name of a concentration camp. No, he doesn't move into the camp rather than near it, in a beautiful home. One day Bruno goes exploring and discovers a fence and another boy behind it wearing pajamas. His name is Shmul. And while you can see the two kids bond, i couldn't help but feel it was a bit mechanical and too scripted. Gretel, Bruno's sister, is a bit rotten to him at the beginning but softens up towards the end espescally when their parents are fighting. Why, oh why do you love heated arguments Miramax? Why? You know it makes me sad! And this movie isn't shy about putting some pretty hating words about Jews and the Jewish religion. It's all for education though. The Verdict:The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is decent. While it may not have fantastic acting or perfect direction, or you can't get a deep connection with the characters, or even that it's a bit too short, it still shows emotion when it needs to and with a somewhat brutal twist at the end, it may make you think about yourself and even make you a bit sad. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas isn't great, so if your looking for a great WWII movie watch Schindler's List instead, you still might want to check it out or take your curious older kids to see it.I give it three wizards turned Nazi generals out of five. 3/5. Proffeser Lupin from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is in this one. Just in case you wondered.

Review of Year One. Well, well, we meet again, confusion...

Year One is the story, wait did I say story? Sorry, I ment sketch after sketch jokes. That's what confused me. Year One is funny, if not hilarious. I laughed a lot but it was tied together with a "story" and it just wouldn't admit it was another movie like Life of Brian. I actually wish that it didn't have a story so it would make more sense. They have a great all-star cast like Jack Black, Micheal Cera, Oliver Platt, Hank Azaria, "McLovin" from Superbad, David Cross, ect. They all work well with each other but I felt the Jack Black and Michael Cera combo was a bit stale. How many times do I need to see a big guy and a little guy team up to save the day? The Verdict:Year One is filled with jokes, funny jokes. But some of the Bible jokes aren't funny unless you know the Bible and most people that do will be offended. Altogether Year One is like a 1000 piece puzzle with a funny picture when it's put together. Solid premice in great hands but doesn't ever come together.I give it three slave-stoning kids out of five. 3/5.

Review of The Invention of Lying. Bible in a minute!

The Invention of Lying is exactly what it sounds like. A film about a loser who learns how to lie in a world where everybody tells the truth. As predictable as it was, The Invention of Lying is very funny and deep. Since this loser, played by British comedian Ricky Gervais, can tell lies, he creates this "Man in the Sky" who controls everything. While most of the humor was through the Bible related jokes, since the world was so truthful, and everybody says what's on their minds. Ricky Gervais not only stared, but directed and scripted the movie. He creates the world of truth extremely well and what the character does to take advantage of it is hilarious. There's also somewhat of a famous ensemble cast including Jennifer Garner, who is the main female character in here. But what surprised me most was that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was in there for one scene. They really could have used him more but everything still functions fine without him.The Verdict:The Invention of Lying is a great sleeper comedy with a nice spin on the genre. Definitely worth checking out. I give it four short kids with snub noses out of five. 4/5.

Review of Taxi Driver. Is this the American dream?

Taxi Driver is the story of a Vietnam war vet who is intolerable, to say the least. Starring Robert DeNiro in the year of 1976 who is the taxi driver who believes everybody around him is scum, filth, and a liar. While the first hour and fifteen minutes it's pretty much just him driving in a taxi talking about his day to day life. But if you pay close attention, you'll notice that DeNiro is on a slow decline into insanity. So you will have to know what's going on and what's happening or it won't make any sense to you and you won't enjoy it. The paranoia starts to set in around the hour and a half mark after DeNiro meets an underage prostitute, Jodie Foster. He then meets the people she works for but I won't spoil anything for you. I was mesmerized by the world Martin Scorsese imagined through the eyes of this crazed man. The only music in this film was a jazz/suspense classical number stretched throughout. It works well but I felt it blended a little too much into the atmosphere. The Verdict:With an absolutely fantastic cast and crew, especially on Scorsese and DeNiro's part, an awesome story and screenplay Taxi Driver easily moves into my list for one of my favorite movies of all time. 5/5.

Review of Man on Wire. Welcome to the mile high club.

Man on Wire is a documentary about the rope walker Phillipe Pitite who walked between the twin towers of the World Trade Center in 1974. The film is a bit short timing in at about an hour and a half. The first hour focuses mainly on His life before that faithful day but to keep it fresh, there are bits of the breaking into the WTC reenacted as to keep the audience interested. When Phillipe is being interviewed it's easy to tell that he tries to add his own little flair in while explaining everything and it is amusing. But the climax and best part is without a doubt when he's up on the wire. You can actually feel how far high up he is and the euphoria is very well mirrored and explained between the real-life pictures, the acting, and the witnesses. Surprisingly enough, the soundtrack was great as well. The music changed when he was up walking or when he was practicing or socializing.The Verdict:Man on Wire is a fantastic documentary that will definitely entertain even the most mainstream moviegoer. And the French accents are fun to listen to! I give it five "hundred" floors too high out of five. 5/5.

Review of The Fly. Be afraid, be very afraid.

The Fly is the horror film about a scientist who creates a teleportation device and when he teleports himself, a fly sneaks in and his DNA combines with the fly's. He then slowly and disgustingly morphs into a 185 lb. fly. Yes, it's a gross as it sounds. This movie is so graphic and ugly, my stomach literally flipped. If you love guts and gore in your films, this is exactly what you're looking for. For a film made in 1980 I'm surprised how well they create the nasty visuals. Really, I can NOT stress enough how gross this movie is. But beside that, Jeff Goldblum provides an eerily fantastic preformance as Seth Brundle, or "Brundlefly." Geena Davis plays a decent role as Ronnie, the romantic flame in the film. Yes, I said romantic flame and trust me, it's recognized. There's also a supenseful score and that does improve the credits significantly.The Verdict:The Fly is not for the weak of heart. It is nasty. But if you can dig deep enough, you can find great acting, a great script, and a frieghtened feeling that won't leave you for a long time. I give it five telepod-flies out of five. 5/5.

Review of Zombieland. Time to nut up or shut up!

Zombieland is the zombie comedy, zom-com if you will, about a nerdy college student who learned how to survive the wastes of Zombieland through his rules. Some of them including; Cardio, seatbelt, and double tap. All of these rules are presented on-screen whenever necessary and I found it quite amusing how people would run through them or they would fall apart if shot through. While these and more thoughts of Jesse Eisnenberg's character are hilarious, the main comedic setpiece is without a doubt Woody Harleson and his quest for a Twinkie. He sets off across Zombieland to find one destroying every flesh-eating creature in his way. They don't mind getting creative when they kill the zombies. Pianos, shotguns, and drive-bys are all there, but when the group gets to the amusement park they actually use the rides to kill zombies. It was so cool. Emma Stone and Abigal Breslin are there as well being the tough girls with no trust in them. It's fine but I can't help but feel that I've seen that shtick before. The cinematography is amazing with cool slow motion swings off hammers and bats, tipping over shelves and annialating small town shops, it's all really cool and the heavy metal that plays in the backround just makes it cooler.The Verdict:Zombieland is the absolute most fun you'll have at the movie theater this year no contest. It's funny, smart, cool, and it even throws in a handful of heart to finally get the zom-com formula right. I give it five zombie kills of the week out of five. 5/5.

Three Word review. Adventureland.

A depressing Superbad.

Review of Good Morning, Veitnam.Way to stay optimistic, Robin!

Good Morning, Vietnam is a story of the war in Vietnam, a talk show Airman, and terrorism! Well, it may seem a bit off putting and odd, and it is, Good Morning, Vietnam is packaged together very nicely and tied in a nice Robin Williams bow. Robin Williams delivers one of his best performances here. He's a sarcastic U.S. Airman who is shipped to Vietnam to do a radio show as a morale booster. He does fantastically at trying to stay optimistic and experiencing the horrors of war at the same time. Forest Whitaker also stars as the exact opposite as Williams, a worried, down on his luck nerd but they find chemistry and it shows on the screen. I'm pretty sure it was filmed in Vietnam and it looks beautiful. You can see a lot of the citizens are a bit crazy and funny. The soundtrack flips between feel-good tunes like James Brown and classical polka songs depending on who's dominating the radio at the moment. It's really fun to watch the different Marines go at it. The Verdict:Good Morning, Vietnam isn't always slapstick and while it is full of hilarious moments, it's about war and it has it's sad moments as well. For Williams' performance alone, it's worth a watch.I give it four bottles of shampoo shipped from Wisconsin out of five. 4/5.

Review of Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. Wow…

Dr. Strangelove is a special kind of movie. It is a movie that had the stones to say, “Let’s make a parody of the cold war in the middle of the cold war!” And it succeeded. But in order to enjoy this film you have to know about the cold war and be able to appreciate the humor that it brings to the table which involves battles with Coke machines, a U.S. General bent on starting WWIII, and a crazed Nazi scientist working for the president. Acting is phenomenal, especially on Peter Sellers’ part. Playing three parts in a movie certainly isn’t easy especially when one is a British spy, (No, not James Bond-type, just a worried guy. Get your head out of the gutter!) The U.S. president, and Dr. Strangelove, who really is quite the character. This movie doesn’t only deliver some of the greatest jokes in a movie ever, there’s a deeper meaning to the film that not only keeps you at the edge of your seat, but characters you can connect with. By the end of the film, you’ll be so anxious and hysterical that you won’t know what to do about it. The only music in the movie are a few American anthems and at the end, a classic song that unfortunately I can’t remember the name of but it totally fits the mood it’s trying to make.

The Verdict:
There really wasn’t much to say about Dr. Strangelove; all I want you to know at this point is that it is my favorite film. Don’t go in expecting slapstick, but the dark humor that it brings across is some unlike anything before and after it is so good. You can’t like or not like Dr. Strangelove, you either love it or hate it. I loved it, and the only thing I thought after it was,” When can I see it again?” I give Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb 5 disappointed teenagers out of 5. 5/5.

Review of Surrogates. Stupid wig!

Surrogates is the science-fiction film set in an alternate present-day where we control robots called surrogates without leaving the comfort of your own home. But of course, someone makes a weapon that not only destroys the surrogates, but implodes the hosts head as well. So let that get into the hands of the man who wants all surrogates dead, you’ve got yourself a movie. And this movie heavily borrows from movies such as The Matrix or Terminator, but the director, Jonathan Mostow, does a fantastic job creating this false world created by man but ruled by machine. The shining star in this film is obviously Bruce Willis, who executes an FBI agent with his surrogate revoked with such precision you can’t help but feel bad for him as he feels anxiety and actual pain. Special effects are average for a film of today, but they’re fun nonetheless.

The Verdict:
Surrogates definitely has its flaws, with a cheesy script and poor acting on some parts, it’s still really cool and if you haven’t seen The Matrix or are just dying for some air conditioning and popcorn, Surrogates is a romp to watch. I give it three fat dudes in a chair pretending to be a prostitute out of five. 3/5.

Review of Hannibal. The whole crew is here! Well, no, but we got Anthony back!

Hannibal is the sequel to the psychological thriller, The Silence of the Lambs starring Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, and the like. But Hannibal is different. Instead, we have a new age movie with Julianne Moore instead of Jodie Foster. Why, oh why they didn’t chose Jodie again will always baffle me. While Moore does an O.K. job at portraying the original Agent Scarlet, she lacks with what Foster didn’t. Talent. But we have Anthony Hopkins here back as Hannibal Lecter and he tries and tries to pull the movie forward, he just couldn’t overcome the bad directing, bad story, and the supporting actors fall just as flat as his next victim.

The Verdict:
Anthony Hopkins does his best to pull the movie forward, but it suffers from being to thrilling and with too many action scenes. If this is the evolution of Hannibal Lecter, I’m willing to stay stuck in time.
I give Hannibal 2.5 brain entrées out of 5. 2.5/5.

Review of Silence of the Lambs. Put the lotion in the basket!

Silence of the Lambs is the psycological thriller starring Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins. I wish it would have been Anthony Hopkins and then Jodie Foster, because he is absolutley fantastic playing Dr. Hannibal Lector, a sick and twisted psyciayrist cannibal stuck in an asylum. He made a good movie great. Now Jodie Foster was a different story, she did okay, but occasionally it felt like she was trying too hard, and I felt embarrased for her. Heaving to add drama, yelling to add drama, the list goes on. Mostly the story focuses on Buffalo Bill, a sociopath still on the loose and kidnapped a senators daughter. But when you have to conflicting psycopathic stories, it's hard not to compare the two, and one is so much better than the other. The director does a good job melting them together so they make sense, though. The soundtrack is great as well, classical music surronding pulse-pounding violin solos and such just add to the experience. The Verdict:Silence of the Lambs is great for someone who wants to figure things out themselves. Along with a great story and strong acting, you really can't go wrong with Silence of the Lambs. I give it 4.5 keyente sipping, java bean eating cannibals out of 5. 4.5/5

Attention!

I've developed a schedule on when I'll put up reviews. I'll try to put reviews up every Sunday so if you don't feel like following, just check back then!

Review of 9. Same old song and dance.

9 is the post-apocalyptic story of eight sock puppets that roam earth hoping to survive one day at a time because of a super-robot that took over the world. And then 9 shows up and everything goes bad for 1’s set plan for survival. That’s it. In an hour and nineteen minutes, that’s the plot. So about a half hour of plot basically. The rest is all action and style. Which is the high point because the effects and CGI are so good, but the story is so bad! In fact, every time the story halts, another sock puppet shows up to help move it along. Acting is decent considering the fact that they got all-stars signed in on the cast including Christopher Plummer, Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, John C. Riley, Martian Landau amongst others but you can’t really connect with the characters enough to care that your favorite actor is voicing them One other thing that was really cool was that since they were small creatures, you could see that the items they used to attack the robots were small as well including fish hooks and pins and needles. It’s like they had a microscopic man on set!

The Verdict:
I had high expectations for 9, but in the end all I got was an underwhelming experience. If all you want is cool action, wait to rent it, it isn’t worth wasting thirty dollars on. Instead, go watch the original on YouTube and buy a ticket for District 9. At least then you won’t be disappointed. I give it three destroyed sock puppets out of five. 3/5.

Review of State of Play Batter up!

State of Play is a government conspiracy film about a congressman, a news reporter, and the biggest story of his career. But don't let that deter you! This news reporter is played by Russel Crowe who is as on top of his game as ever. The congressman is played by Drama Ben Affleck. I say that because recently Comedy Ben Affleck has been gracing the screen with less than acceptable performances. (I'm looking at you, Reigndeer Games!) But this time he delivers a great dramatic role that most of us have been waiting a long time for. Now at first, Russel Crowe's character just seems like a sarcastic and charismatic journalist who always gets his story. But as the film progresses a sense of paranoia stars to roam around with him wherever he goes. The only flaw in this idea is that it doesn't progress until the movie is almost over so you get a great gritty feeling but only for about 45 minutes. Rachel McAdams co-stars and I don't have many complaints about her performance besides the fact that she acted like a four-year-old sometimes. Something bad would happen and she would just freak out. The story can be a bit hard to follow so don't go in expecting a breezy film. It's very complicated. Even though you get two semi-stories unfolding at once, Ben Afflecks affair and it even focuses a bit on the fall of the newspaper, the main focus is Russel Crowe entirely focused on his story. Not much of a soundtrack just a few acoustic guitar solos and trumpets as the score. The Verdict:State of Play is great. Plain and simple it's a great time to watch especially if you're bored you can show it to your dad on a lazy Saturday afternoon. All in all, State of Play features some great performances, edge of your seat moments, and an awesome story. Only a few plot holes and ideas that don't fully develop keep it from what it could have been. But that aside, this is a fantastic film that shouldn't be missed.I give State of Play 4 pizza guys on bikes out of 5. 4/5.

Review of Knowing. Who needs originality?

Knowing is the apocalypse story that takes on a new premise of the apocalypse. But it doesn’t really add up. I noted at first that I said “Who needs originality?” While the premise of knowing when disasters happened and are going to happen is new, the ending is so bad you could end up laughing at it. And unfortunately, the best parts of the film were the disaster sequences. Those were pretty memorable and depending on who you are, that could be cool or emotionally scarring. There are also these black rocks that are scattered around the movie, but I never found out what they were for. The visual effects were pretty cool and one explosion at the end is probably one of the better I have seen in my life. The acting is exceptional on Nick Cage’s part with his usual dramatic shtick. But he doesn’t have a good script or other actors to back him up. This film really does prove that even the best actors can’t hold up a movie by themselves. There are even these albino people that are called “The Whisper People” who don’t actually talk, or whisper for that matter, just have two kids translate for them. One other thing I’d like to add is the fact that they used the same actress for two different roles. And that in itself is outright funny due to the fact that these two characters don’t have a lot to do with each other.

The Verdict:
Knowing has a lot of potential but in the end it comes out with two hours of ok footage with a terrible ending. If you have an urge to watch a Cage movie, I’d watch something else, because even though he does well, the rest is just big budget nonsense. All in all, Knowing is an ok movie that you don’t have to see. I give it 3 unnecessary rocks out of 5. 3/5.

Review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. You can’t tell me nothin’!

Transformers 2 is a good movie but not a good film. If you like explosions, one liners, and a bunch of crazed robots causing the explosions, this is the film for you. If you like story, character development, and good acting, like me, then you won’t like it. I’ll start with the story. I’m not going to lie, it sucks. It’s the same save the world story that’s been done a dozen times over with no new twists or surprises. It is also so fast paced that you never have any time to think about the already forgettable dialogue. Which isn’t terrible but mostly, like I said earlier, full of stupid jokes and one liners. Megan Fox aside, (Who’s acting isn’t going to get her an Oscar anytime soon either,) the acting is outright laughable. The only decent performance in this movie is by Sam Witwickey’s mom, (Shia Lebeouf), who is actually very funny and the only reason to keep me anticipated. I also must admit that Michael Bay has outdone himself this time with special effects and explosions. And when I mean outdone, I mean that there are so many explosions you just get used to them by the end and they actually get boring. Maybe I should say overdone. Oh, I can’t forget the robots themselves. There are so many robots that I was confused by the end of the movie as to who was who. And the movie was three hours long, so they could have provided a little more of a development of the characters rather than have then blow up every five minutes. The ending, don’t get me started on the ending! That was the worst ending of a movie ever, and Wolverine’s ending was pretty bad.

The Verdict
If you’re willing to spend your Saturday night squeezing the last few ounces of stupid juice out of your brain to enjoy this movie then great! Really, you should see this movie, but only do it at 11:00 on a Saturday night. That’s what I did, and I had a blast.
I give this movie 2.5 giant explosions, out of 5. 2.5/5.

Review of District 9. Remarkable.

Every once and a while there’s a movie that totally clears the bar no matter how high you set it. So let me give you a four word review as to save you some time if you don’t want to read the detailed one. Go see it. Now. Well, if that hasn’t convinced you, then read on!

It’s hard to review District 9 and not give away any of the plot. And it is fantastic. But before we get to that I’ll give you a brief history of District 9. This movie is directed by Neil Blomkamp and produced by Peter Jackson. This is actually their low-budget consolation prize for not being able to do the Halo film. Thirty million dollars. And I assume that almost all of that money was spent on the CGI and special effects because there are no big name actors at all and I’m assuming that if anybody knows who the actor who plays main character is someone in a foreign country. There really is only one character that is really acted and that character is named Vikas. Whoever acts him does a fantastic job but really the real capturing point is the story and what he does with it. And the story is what makes this the must see movie of the summer. It switches between documentary and narrative styles which I know bothered some but I thought was a great and fresh new way to film a movie. It also takes itself really seriously. Like it is an actual documentary. They even have a “where are they now” text before the credits. But I’ve never seen a Science Fiction film this good. There’s enough action to keep you at the edge of your seat and an amazing story with an unforgettable twist that keeps you riveted for a long, long, time.

The Verdict: District 9 is the best movie I’ve seen this year and is a classic among Sci-Fi classics. It can get a bit bloody and the camera can get a bit shaky in the first forty-five minutes but the next two hours are the most fun and suspenseful you’ll have this year at the movies this year. I give this five aliens eating cat food out of five. 5/5

Introduction

Hello friends, family, and those new to my movie critique! I made this blog so that people may look at my movie reviews and see if they will enjoy or dislike that movie as well. I will try to update it weekly with reviews of top box office releases as well as classics from long ago. If you have any questions or comments email me at ethan.rosenberg@hotmail.com. Thank you and enjoy!