Review of Next Day Air. Delivery!

Next Day Air is the film about some stupid hustlers who get a box full of cocaine in the mail delivered by a crack head who got the address wrong and the Hispanics who try to get their coke back go on a hunt through Philadelphia to find the punks who stole it. Wow. I'm going to need an Advil after that. Next Day Air actually flips between four story lines. There's the crackhead delivery man, there's the crackhead hoodlums who try to sell the coke, there's the crackhead cousin of one of the hoods who wants to buy the coke, and then there's the crackhead Hispanics who want to coke back. A lot of crackheads. In the end everybody ends up coming together and the firefight at the end is ridiculous and cool. The acting is strong on Mos Def's part, but he's only in two scenes. Most everybody else is just OK. The movie sometimes flips back in time as well in order to give somewhat of a humorous back story but usually it's just to keep the clock running and to waste your time. Actually, most of the scenes in here are cool and fun, but at some points I could tell that the editors just said screw it and just threw it together. The soundtrack is decent if you like Hip-Hop or Rap.The Verdict:While Next Day Air is funny, what it usually ends up delivering to be more stylized than humorous. If you like dark comedy or you like inner-city stories, it's worth a look. I give Next Day Air 3.5 puns with names out of 5. 3.5/5.

Review of The Unborn. Oi!

The Unborn is like The Exorcist's and The Omen's little demon spawn who wants to be like mommy and daddy but ends up falling flat on it's face. It is literally a Jewish rip-off of The Exorcist filled with Omen-like spooks. Sure, you'll jump or maybe even scream a bit, but after you'll just laugh at yourself for doing so. Here's the premise for this movie. Hot chick, check. Retarded boyfriend, check. Other hot chick who is first hot chick's best friend, check. Famous and good actors whose careers we are going to ruin, (Gary Oldman and Idris Elba are the victims here,) check. Spook, terrible story, and a script that makes said actors sound like foul-mouthed little children, check. Alright let's make us some good cash!The Verdict:Please, don't see The Unborn, you'll feel more tortured than someone stuck in one of Jigsaw's traps in Saw. This movie sucks. Plain and simple. I give it one upside down head out of five.

Review of Where the Wild Things Are. Welcome to the land of imagination.

Where the Wild Things Are. Where to begin? Ok. First things first. This is not a movie for kids. It's a bit brutal and scary and it delivers a message to the audience that the tykes won't understand. But all of that aside, it's a cinematic feat. Animation- awesome. Acting- superb. Cenimatography-phonomenal. The story is basicly this. A kid named Max, played by Max Records who does a surprisingly great job opposite people in big monster suits. Carol, the main Wild Thing character, is played by James Gandolfini and knocks this role out of the park. The rest of the Things are parts of Max's emotions. There's the obnoxious loudmouth, the shy guy, the quiet one, the rebel, the helper, and there's one that just sits there the whole time. Before I get off track, we need to get back to the story. Max gets angry with his mother and runs away. After he runs away he ends up in what I like to call "The Land of the Wild Things" and from there he is named king and goes on adventures and wild rumpuses alike. The score is almost perfect as well, with sad ballads and uplifting tunes you can't really go wrong with that either.The Verdict:Where the Wild Things Are is definitely different. Spike Jonze creates an entirely original story to let you connect with your inner child again. It's hard to enjoy if you can't understand it or analyze it correctly. I leave you with this. If you want your inner child to come out and have a wild rumpus for a hour and a half, see this. But if you want your inner child to crap it's pants, see Paranormal Activity. I give Where the Wild Things Are 4.5 truly wild Wild Things our of 5. 4.5/5.

Review of Drag Me To Hell. Gypsys love eyeballs!

Drag Me To Hell is the little sleeper movie that could. It boasts an ok cast, superb directing, and the effects are top notch. Sam Raimi is actually the one who directs this one. You may know him as the director of Spider-Man or The Evil Dead trilogy. He returns to the horror genre with a definite classic and an original thrill ride that is scary, funny, and violent to make those pesky teens who don't care about plot or acting swoon at these gross moments. Our "heroin," though, stars out as a loan officer who doesn't do a deal with the wrong devil and is now cursed to be tortured for two days and finally taken down to hell on the third. Her boyfriend vows to stay by her the whole time but you can tell he's thinking,"She's so full of crap." While the first hour and twenty minutes are cool and entertaining, the best happens in the last half hour when she goes to another gypsy to have the mean gypsy stop bothering her. Then it all goes downhill for her from there for your viewing pleasure!The Verdict:Drag Me To Hell is a great and fun film to watch. Check it out for the effects and funny script but leave (not literally) for the oatmeal acting provided. I give it five goats who swear at you out of five. 5/5.

Review of Paranormal Activity. Day and night, the lonely demon will stalk you day and night.

Paranormal Activity is the reenactment of the events that happed in San Diego in 2006. All of the events that happen follow Micah and Katie on a hi-def camera in their home. At first it's a very slow moving film at first just seeming like a girl is afraid of something is watching her and stalking her while her sarcastic boyfriend gets it all on tape. But as it progresses the paranoia sets in and more aggressive and creepy things start to happen so that by the end you'll be crapping your pants. As a matter of fact, the less you know about it, the better because it just adds to the already awesome experience. So I'm going to cut this review short and say that...The Verdict:Paranormal Activity is the scariest movie I've ever seen and most likely ever see. It's also got an odd, sick sense of humor that'll have you screaming and laughing at the same time. Go see it, but not alone. And don't forget to sleep with the light on. I give Paranormal Activity five self-attempted exorcisms out of five.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is a film about the holocaust in world war II through the point of view of an eight-year-old boy named Bruno. Bruno is confused one day when he finds out he has to move to a far away place, and while it isn't mentioned in the movie, he moves to Auswich. And those of you who have done your history homework will know that that was a name of a concentration camp. No, he doesn't move into the camp rather than near it, in a beautiful home. One day Bruno goes exploring and discovers a fence and another boy behind it wearing pajamas. His name is Shmul. And while you can see the two kids bond, i couldn't help but feel it was a bit mechanical and too scripted. Gretel, Bruno's sister, is a bit rotten to him at the beginning but softens up towards the end espescally when their parents are fighting. Why, oh why do you love heated arguments Miramax? Why? You know it makes me sad! And this movie isn't shy about putting some pretty hating words about Jews and the Jewish religion. It's all for education though. The Verdict:The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is decent. While it may not have fantastic acting or perfect direction, or you can't get a deep connection with the characters, or even that it's a bit too short, it still shows emotion when it needs to and with a somewhat brutal twist at the end, it may make you think about yourself and even make you a bit sad. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas isn't great, so if your looking for a great WWII movie watch Schindler's List instead, you still might want to check it out or take your curious older kids to see it.I give it three wizards turned Nazi generals out of five. 3/5. Proffeser Lupin from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is in this one. Just in case you wondered.

Review of Year One. Well, well, we meet again, confusion...

Year One is the story, wait did I say story? Sorry, I ment sketch after sketch jokes. That's what confused me. Year One is funny, if not hilarious. I laughed a lot but it was tied together with a "story" and it just wouldn't admit it was another movie like Life of Brian. I actually wish that it didn't have a story so it would make more sense. They have a great all-star cast like Jack Black, Micheal Cera, Oliver Platt, Hank Azaria, "McLovin" from Superbad, David Cross, ect. They all work well with each other but I felt the Jack Black and Michael Cera combo was a bit stale. How many times do I need to see a big guy and a little guy team up to save the day? The Verdict:Year One is filled with jokes, funny jokes. But some of the Bible jokes aren't funny unless you know the Bible and most people that do will be offended. Altogether Year One is like a 1000 piece puzzle with a funny picture when it's put together. Solid premice in great hands but doesn't ever come together.I give it three slave-stoning kids out of five. 3/5.

Review of The Invention of Lying. Bible in a minute!

The Invention of Lying is exactly what it sounds like. A film about a loser who learns how to lie in a world where everybody tells the truth. As predictable as it was, The Invention of Lying is very funny and deep. Since this loser, played by British comedian Ricky Gervais, can tell lies, he creates this "Man in the Sky" who controls everything. While most of the humor was through the Bible related jokes, since the world was so truthful, and everybody says what's on their minds. Ricky Gervais not only stared, but directed and scripted the movie. He creates the world of truth extremely well and what the character does to take advantage of it is hilarious. There's also somewhat of a famous ensemble cast including Jennifer Garner, who is the main female character in here. But what surprised me most was that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was in there for one scene. They really could have used him more but everything still functions fine without him.The Verdict:The Invention of Lying is a great sleeper comedy with a nice spin on the genre. Definitely worth checking out. I give it four short kids with snub noses out of five. 4/5.

Review of Taxi Driver. Is this the American dream?

Taxi Driver is the story of a Vietnam war vet who is intolerable, to say the least. Starring Robert DeNiro in the year of 1976 who is the taxi driver who believes everybody around him is scum, filth, and a liar. While the first hour and fifteen minutes it's pretty much just him driving in a taxi talking about his day to day life. But if you pay close attention, you'll notice that DeNiro is on a slow decline into insanity. So you will have to know what's going on and what's happening or it won't make any sense to you and you won't enjoy it. The paranoia starts to set in around the hour and a half mark after DeNiro meets an underage prostitute, Jodie Foster. He then meets the people she works for but I won't spoil anything for you. I was mesmerized by the world Martin Scorsese imagined through the eyes of this crazed man. The only music in this film was a jazz/suspense classical number stretched throughout. It works well but I felt it blended a little too much into the atmosphere. The Verdict:With an absolutely fantastic cast and crew, especially on Scorsese and DeNiro's part, an awesome story and screenplay Taxi Driver easily moves into my list for one of my favorite movies of all time. 5/5.

Review of Man on Wire. Welcome to the mile high club.

Man on Wire is a documentary about the rope walker Phillipe Pitite who walked between the twin towers of the World Trade Center in 1974. The film is a bit short timing in at about an hour and a half. The first hour focuses mainly on His life before that faithful day but to keep it fresh, there are bits of the breaking into the WTC reenacted as to keep the audience interested. When Phillipe is being interviewed it's easy to tell that he tries to add his own little flair in while explaining everything and it is amusing. But the climax and best part is without a doubt when he's up on the wire. You can actually feel how far high up he is and the euphoria is very well mirrored and explained between the real-life pictures, the acting, and the witnesses. Surprisingly enough, the soundtrack was great as well. The music changed when he was up walking or when he was practicing or socializing.The Verdict:Man on Wire is a fantastic documentary that will definitely entertain even the most mainstream moviegoer. And the French accents are fun to listen to! I give it five "hundred" floors too high out of five. 5/5.

Review of The Fly. Be afraid, be very afraid.

The Fly is the horror film about a scientist who creates a teleportation device and when he teleports himself, a fly sneaks in and his DNA combines with the fly's. He then slowly and disgustingly morphs into a 185 lb. fly. Yes, it's a gross as it sounds. This movie is so graphic and ugly, my stomach literally flipped. If you love guts and gore in your films, this is exactly what you're looking for. For a film made in 1980 I'm surprised how well they create the nasty visuals. Really, I can NOT stress enough how gross this movie is. But beside that, Jeff Goldblum provides an eerily fantastic preformance as Seth Brundle, or "Brundlefly." Geena Davis plays a decent role as Ronnie, the romantic flame in the film. Yes, I said romantic flame and trust me, it's recognized. There's also a supenseful score and that does improve the credits significantly.The Verdict:The Fly is not for the weak of heart. It is nasty. But if you can dig deep enough, you can find great acting, a great script, and a frieghtened feeling that won't leave you for a long time. I give it five telepod-flies out of five. 5/5.

Review of Zombieland. Time to nut up or shut up!

Zombieland is the zombie comedy, zom-com if you will, about a nerdy college student who learned how to survive the wastes of Zombieland through his rules. Some of them including; Cardio, seatbelt, and double tap. All of these rules are presented on-screen whenever necessary and I found it quite amusing how people would run through them or they would fall apart if shot through. While these and more thoughts of Jesse Eisnenberg's character are hilarious, the main comedic setpiece is without a doubt Woody Harleson and his quest for a Twinkie. He sets off across Zombieland to find one destroying every flesh-eating creature in his way. They don't mind getting creative when they kill the zombies. Pianos, shotguns, and drive-bys are all there, but when the group gets to the amusement park they actually use the rides to kill zombies. It was so cool. Emma Stone and Abigal Breslin are there as well being the tough girls with no trust in them. It's fine but I can't help but feel that I've seen that shtick before. The cinematography is amazing with cool slow motion swings off hammers and bats, tipping over shelves and annialating small town shops, it's all really cool and the heavy metal that plays in the backround just makes it cooler.The Verdict:Zombieland is the absolute most fun you'll have at the movie theater this year no contest. It's funny, smart, cool, and it even throws in a handful of heart to finally get the zom-com formula right. I give it five zombie kills of the week out of five. 5/5.

Three Word review. Adventureland.

A depressing Superbad.

Review of Good Morning, Veitnam.Way to stay optimistic, Robin!

Good Morning, Vietnam is a story of the war in Vietnam, a talk show Airman, and terrorism! Well, it may seem a bit off putting and odd, and it is, Good Morning, Vietnam is packaged together very nicely and tied in a nice Robin Williams bow. Robin Williams delivers one of his best performances here. He's a sarcastic U.S. Airman who is shipped to Vietnam to do a radio show as a morale booster. He does fantastically at trying to stay optimistic and experiencing the horrors of war at the same time. Forest Whitaker also stars as the exact opposite as Williams, a worried, down on his luck nerd but they find chemistry and it shows on the screen. I'm pretty sure it was filmed in Vietnam and it looks beautiful. You can see a lot of the citizens are a bit crazy and funny. The soundtrack flips between feel-good tunes like James Brown and classical polka songs depending on who's dominating the radio at the moment. It's really fun to watch the different Marines go at it. The Verdict:Good Morning, Vietnam isn't always slapstick and while it is full of hilarious moments, it's about war and it has it's sad moments as well. For Williams' performance alone, it's worth a watch.I give it four bottles of shampoo shipped from Wisconsin out of five. 4/5.

Review of Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. Wow…

Dr. Strangelove is a special kind of movie. It is a movie that had the stones to say, “Let’s make a parody of the cold war in the middle of the cold war!” And it succeeded. But in order to enjoy this film you have to know about the cold war and be able to appreciate the humor that it brings to the table which involves battles with Coke machines, a U.S. General bent on starting WWIII, and a crazed Nazi scientist working for the president. Acting is phenomenal, especially on Peter Sellers’ part. Playing three parts in a movie certainly isn’t easy especially when one is a British spy, (No, not James Bond-type, just a worried guy. Get your head out of the gutter!) The U.S. president, and Dr. Strangelove, who really is quite the character. This movie doesn’t only deliver some of the greatest jokes in a movie ever, there’s a deeper meaning to the film that not only keeps you at the edge of your seat, but characters you can connect with. By the end of the film, you’ll be so anxious and hysterical that you won’t know what to do about it. The only music in the movie are a few American anthems and at the end, a classic song that unfortunately I can’t remember the name of but it totally fits the mood it’s trying to make.

The Verdict:
There really wasn’t much to say about Dr. Strangelove; all I want you to know at this point is that it is my favorite film. Don’t go in expecting slapstick, but the dark humor that it brings across is some unlike anything before and after it is so good. You can’t like or not like Dr. Strangelove, you either love it or hate it. I loved it, and the only thing I thought after it was,” When can I see it again?” I give Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb 5 disappointed teenagers out of 5. 5/5.

Review of Surrogates. Stupid wig!

Surrogates is the science-fiction film set in an alternate present-day where we control robots called surrogates without leaving the comfort of your own home. But of course, someone makes a weapon that not only destroys the surrogates, but implodes the hosts head as well. So let that get into the hands of the man who wants all surrogates dead, you’ve got yourself a movie. And this movie heavily borrows from movies such as The Matrix or Terminator, but the director, Jonathan Mostow, does a fantastic job creating this false world created by man but ruled by machine. The shining star in this film is obviously Bruce Willis, who executes an FBI agent with his surrogate revoked with such precision you can’t help but feel bad for him as he feels anxiety and actual pain. Special effects are average for a film of today, but they’re fun nonetheless.

The Verdict:
Surrogates definitely has its flaws, with a cheesy script and poor acting on some parts, it’s still really cool and if you haven’t seen The Matrix or are just dying for some air conditioning and popcorn, Surrogates is a romp to watch. I give it three fat dudes in a chair pretending to be a prostitute out of five. 3/5.

Review of Hannibal. The whole crew is here! Well, no, but we got Anthony back!

Hannibal is the sequel to the psychological thriller, The Silence of the Lambs starring Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, and the like. But Hannibal is different. Instead, we have a new age movie with Julianne Moore instead of Jodie Foster. Why, oh why they didn’t chose Jodie again will always baffle me. While Moore does an O.K. job at portraying the original Agent Scarlet, she lacks with what Foster didn’t. Talent. But we have Anthony Hopkins here back as Hannibal Lecter and he tries and tries to pull the movie forward, he just couldn’t overcome the bad directing, bad story, and the supporting actors fall just as flat as his next victim.

The Verdict:
Anthony Hopkins does his best to pull the movie forward, but it suffers from being to thrilling and with too many action scenes. If this is the evolution of Hannibal Lecter, I’m willing to stay stuck in time.
I give Hannibal 2.5 brain entrées out of 5. 2.5/5.

Review of Silence of the Lambs. Put the lotion in the basket!

Silence of the Lambs is the psycological thriller starring Jodie Foster and Anthony Hopkins. I wish it would have been Anthony Hopkins and then Jodie Foster, because he is absolutley fantastic playing Dr. Hannibal Lector, a sick and twisted psyciayrist cannibal stuck in an asylum. He made a good movie great. Now Jodie Foster was a different story, she did okay, but occasionally it felt like she was trying too hard, and I felt embarrased for her. Heaving to add drama, yelling to add drama, the list goes on. Mostly the story focuses on Buffalo Bill, a sociopath still on the loose and kidnapped a senators daughter. But when you have to conflicting psycopathic stories, it's hard not to compare the two, and one is so much better than the other. The director does a good job melting them together so they make sense, though. The soundtrack is great as well, classical music surronding pulse-pounding violin solos and such just add to the experience. The Verdict:Silence of the Lambs is great for someone who wants to figure things out themselves. Along with a great story and strong acting, you really can't go wrong with Silence of the Lambs. I give it 4.5 keyente sipping, java bean eating cannibals out of 5. 4.5/5